The DMCA and ACTA Make Me Feel Safe
by Anne Loucks
The encrypted message below is mine. It contains highly secret and amazing information, which everyone in the world will find useful. To read it, you must purchase a license from me for my advanced decryption software, which acts as a gateway to said information. Then, you are permitted to press the button below, thereby decrypting message. Purchase a license here.
Note: Clicking on the button above is illegal unless you have purchased a license from me allowing you to use the software to decrypt and read the super secret message above, which contains highly valuable information. Purchase a license here.
Some people have claimed that their unassisted brain can read the encrypted message above. This is impossible. As with DVD encryption, my amazing scheme is unbreakable and will never be figured out, at least not by a norse teenager. I have invested billions of nanoseconds in its creation and it is almost certainly perfect in every way.
If you say your brain can read it, you are probably lying. If you can actually read it, then your brain is awesome. It also means that your brain is a circumvention device, which must be destroyed and replaced with something more acceptable, like a piece of fruit.
Don't even think about having your cat press the button.
